you'll be disappointed
Saturday, April 17, 2021
star doubt
you'll be disappointed
Friday, December 11, 2020
and

Everybody took a piece of it, and they looked at it,
and thought they had the truth.
~ Rumi
Chicana artist Alma Lopez loves Our Lady of Guadalupe. She will tell this to anyone who asks. It was this love ~ and her experience of what Guadalupe could mean ~ that led her to create Our Lady, a piece of digital art depicting Guadalupe with a strong, forceful stare and an attractive body, held aloft by a rather voluptuous angel.
Lopez never quite understood what all the fuss was about. She was just trying to depict a strong, capable image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, one that might be more accessible to women who were becoming increasingly empowered in society and in the church. She was also making a statement about bodies, that they too are sacred: "I see this woman's legs and her belly and (the angel's) breasts, and I don't see anything wrong." Defending her buxom angel, she explained, "They're just breasts. I have them. Don't rage against the breasts."
I love traditional devotions to Our Lady of Guadalupe. Really. I can pray a rosary with the best of them and have it be a deeply moving prayer experience. I have spent entire days at the Basilica of Guadalupe in Mexico City, humbly watching the throngs of people seeking blessings and bringing their hopes and prayers to lay at the feet of "La Virgen Morena." And I have offered plenty of prayers of my own. Some people might dismiss such acts of faith as superstition and foolishness. I do not.
(If you're interested in reading more about my relationship with Lupe, check out: http://gringavieja.blogspot.com/2009/12/if-i-cant-go-skinny-dipping-i-dont-want.html
Perhaps I love all the tradition associated with Our Lady of Guadalupe because at an early age my dear Italian grandmother shared with me her simple, pure devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. Nothing about that devotion keeps me from loving Lopez's interpretation, nor does it keep me from practicing Buddhist-style meditation. I can keep that traditional devotion alive and still appreciate thoughtful secular humanist reflection. I can feel the Divine in the spectacular beauty of the natural world. As with so many things, it shouldn't always be necessary to have to choose one thing over another. Yet another example of post-modern wishy-washiness? Perhaps. But when discerning the value of some spiritual symbol, practice, or way of reflecting, I have found it helpful to ask myself one essential question: Does it help me (and, by extension, my community) become more grounded and whole? If the answer is yes, then I'm in ~ but always with this caveat: the answer to that question might be very different for another person or group.
Vive la difference!
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting ~
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things
Wild Geese
Mary Oliver
Our place in the family of things. In the messiness, in the beauty, in the sheer physicality of our human existence . . .
I often wonder why so many religious folks seem to be terrified of that physicality ~ and, in particular, the sexual energy that is such an integral part of it. It's as though having an adversarial relationship with their bodies were some sort of requirement for holiness. How much better to seek holiness by befriending that "soft animal of our bodies." The false dichotomy of spiritual (good) vs. physical (bad) is damaging to our souls because it denies the mysterious complexity of our existence ~ an existence that is an amazing amalgam of the spiritual and physical. A healthy spirituality recognizes the value of both, while reflecting a deep understanding of the dangers and the power of spiritual and sexual longing. They are fire, and as such should be treated with proper respect. Respect, not repression. You don't have to look very far to see that unbridled spirituality and unbridled sexuality are really two sides of the same coin ~ one leading to an oppressive fundamentalism, and the other to a vacuous promisciuty. The Beatles famously said: All you need is love. I would add, though: and a little bit of balance.
Nearly two decades later, Alma Lopez's work is still controversial, though loved by many, myself included. Wherever it goes, groups organize against it. But in Santa Fe, while feelings still run strong in certain circles, something else has happened. During the controversy, a small group of people who were offended by Lopez's work began to raise funds for a huge bronze statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe that would stand outside their church. Initially their motivation was to respond to Lopez, but that connection soon faded as the project became focused on uniting the people of the parish and celebrating their devotion to Guadalupe. Mexican sculptor Georgina Farías created the magnificent statue which was transported by flatbed truck from Mexico City to Santa Fe, accompanied much of the way by the very parishioners who worked so hard to make the statue a reality. This journey became a pilgrimage as people along the way (the historic Camino Real) came to admire the statue and offer their prayers. In a deliciously ironic twist, Guadalupe the statue even got detained at the U.S. border because her papers weren't in order, just like so many immigrants who have put their trust in her over the years.
She is now at home in Santa Fe, facing the Sangre de Cristo Mountains. In this wonderful photo by Joshua Trujillo, she gazes at the full moon rising.
The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon.
Amen to that!
Todos tomaron un pedacito, y lo miraron,
y creyeron que tenían la verdad.
~ Rumi
Lopez nunca llegó a entender porque había provocado tanto escándalo. Sólo trataba de enseñar una imagen fuerte y capaz de Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe, una que sería más accesible a la mujeres que se hacían más activas como líderes en la sociedad y en la iglesia. Tambíén hacía una declaración acerca de los cuerpos: que ellos, tambíén, son sagrados: "Veo las piernas y la panza de esta mujer, y los senos de la angelita, y no veo nada ofensivo." Defendiendo a su angelita voluptuosa explicó: "Son senos. Los tengo yo. No se enfurezcan contra los senos."
Yo amo las devociones tradicionales a Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe. De veras. Yo puedo rezar un rosario con la gente más devota y puede ser una experiencia conmovedora de oración. He pasado días enteros en la Basílica de Guadalupe en la Ciudad de México, profundamente impresionada por las multitudes de gente que llevaban sus esperanzas y peticiones para dejarlos a los pies de "La Virgen Morena." Y he ofrecido muchas de mis propias oraciones. Algunos dirían que esas acciones son simplemente supersticiones y tonterías. Yo no.
(Si le interesa leer más sobre mi relación con Lupe, aquí hay un enlace:
http://gringavieja.blogspot.com/2009/12/if-i-cant-go-skinny-dipping-i-dont-want.html)
Tal vez me encanta toda la tradición asociada con Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe porque mi querida abuelita italiana compartió conmigo, desde pequeña, su devoción sencilla y profunda a la Virgen María. No hay nada de esa devoción que me prohibe amar la interpretación de López; tampoco me prohibe practicar la meditación budista. Puedo cultivar esa devoción tradicional mientras aprecio profundamente la reflexión secular-humanista. Puedo sentir la presencia Divina en la hermosura espectacular de la naturaleza. No debe ser necesario siempre tener que escoger una cosa en vez de otra. ¿Un ejemplo más de la indecisión post-moderna? Quizás. Pero cuando estoy tratando de evaluar el valor de cualquier símbolo espiritual, práctica, o manera de reflexionar, trato de hacerme una pregunta esencial: ¿Me ayuda a mí (y, por extensión, a mi comunidad) a hacerme una persona más equilibrada, con los pies en el suelo del momento presente? Si la respuesta es sí, lo haré. Pero siempre con esta advertencia: que la respuesta a esa pregunta puede ser muy diferente para otra persona o grupo.
Vive la difference!
No tienes que atravesar el desierto
de rodillas, arrepintiéndote.
Sólo tienes que dejar que ame lo que ama
el animal suave de tu cuerpo.
Háblame de la desesperación, la tuya, y yo te contaré la mía.
Mientras tanto el mundo sigue girando.
Mientras tanto el sol y las piedras claras de la lluvia
corren a través de las llanuras,
por las praderas y los árboles profundos,
las montañas y los ríos.
Mientras tanto los gansos salvajes,
altos en el aire luminoso y azul,
vuelven nuevamente a casa.
Seas quien seas, por muy solo que te sientas
el mundo se ofrece a tu imaginación,
te llama como los gansos salvajes,
con su grito duro y provocador
anunciándote una y otra vez tu lugar
en la familia de las cosas.
Los gansos salvajes
Mary Oliver
Nuestro lugar en la familia de las cosas. En el desorden, en la hermosura, en la fisicalidad de nuestra existencia humana . . .
Después de muchos años, la obra de Alma Lopez sigue siendo controversial, pero bien amada por muchos. Dondequiera que se presente, hay grupos que se organizan en contra de ella. Pero en Santa Fe, mientras algunos todavía tienen sus opiniones fuertes, algo diferente ha ocurrido. Durante la controversia, un grupo pequeño de gente que se sintió ofendida por Our Lady empezó a juntar fondos para hacer una estatua gigante de bronce de Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe que sería colocada enfrente de su iglesia. Al principio querían responder al desafío que presentó la obra de Lopez, pero esa conexión se iba perdiendo mientras el proyecto empezaba a fijarse más en unir a la gente de la parroquia y celebrar su devoción a Guadalupe. La escultora mexicana, Georgina Farías, creó la magnífica estatua que fue transportada por camión desde la Ciudad de México hasta Santa Fe, acompañada por los parroquianos que habían trabajado tanto para hacer que la estatua se hiciera realidad. La jornada se hizo peregrinaje mientras las personas por todo el camino (El histórico Camino Real) llegaron a admirar la estatua y ofrecer sus oraciones. Ironicamente, la estatua de Guadalupe fue detenida en la frontera estadounidense porque no tenía sus papeles arreglados, justo como tantos inmigrantes que han confiado en ella durante los años.
Ahora está en casa en Santa Fe. En esta foto maravillosa de Joshua Trujillo, ella está mirando la luna llena mientras sube sobre las montañas Sangre de Cristo.
El dedo que señala la luna no es la luna.
¡Amén a eso!
Wednesday, November 11, 2020
Veterans Day
My dad never talked much about his experiences during World War II. He was in the South Pacific for 33 months, serving in the Army Signal Corps. He was never in active combat. As he got closer to his dying time in 1996, I asked him to describe his war experience. He paused thoughtfully and said, "Deprivation. Sheer deprivation." He said it matter-of-factly, making it clear that he had nothing else to say. When I found this picture years later I got a sense of what he meant. Dad was a big guy. His wasted appearance and haunted look said it all.
I grew up an Army Brat. Although my dad retired as a Lt. Colonel a couple of years after I was born, the military was a huge part of my life. We got our healthcare, did our shopping, ate out and spent endless hours at the swimming pool on military bases. I remember jumping out of the pool to salute the flag as it was slowly being lowered on late summer afternoons. As I got older, I always loved standing next to my dad at Cheney Stadium baseball games when the National Anthem would play. Even though I was a flaming peacenik, I knew my dad was proud of his service. He had a right to be.
But he never quite understood all the hoopla around Veterans Day. He never had any desire to join the Veterans of Foreign Wars or the American Legion. Dad's retirement certificate and acknowledgement of his Bronze Star Medal hung on our family room wall. But that was it. He had kept his medals, of course, but I smile when I think of how he gave them all (except for the Bronze Star) to me, his "tom-boy daughter," when I was eight. He knew I would love to pin them to my shirt and march around with them. Which I gleefully did for a couple of years. He didn't need them anymore.
My dad was proud of his military service. I am proud of his military service. But like so many veterans, it's complicated. Memories of my eight year-old self prancing around with his medals remind me that the veteran I have been closest to ~ my dad ~ held the tension between his pride in his service and pushing away memories of things best forgotten.
Thanks for the lesson, Dad. Happy Veterans Day.
Wednesday, August 12, 2020
MMXX
Saturday, June 20, 2020
No small thing
I loved it. I loved that it scandalized some of my friends. I loved that my Catholic mother said it was OK to put it up as long as I didn't advertise it. Mostly I loved that my irreverent agnostic father gave it to me, knowing that I would be thrilled. I loved that he knew me so well.
It is no small thing to have had a dad like that.
Father's Day 2020
_________________________________
No es poca cosa
Mi recámara cuando estaba en la prepa se podría describir como ecléctica: las paredes cubiertas de postales chistosas y horarios para viajes y aventuras venideras; una foto grande de un bebé negro jugando con un bebé blanco, con la leyenda: "Nadie nace siendo racista"; un tocadiscos azul brillante (pues eran los 70's). Pero lo que más se destacaba era el gran poster fluorescente en la puerta. Se asomaba sobre todo con su gigante cavernícola cargando un garrote imposiblemente grande ~ con un clavo sobresaliendo ~ mientras proclamaba: Aunque ande en valle de sombra de muerte, no temeré mal alguno . . . porque soy el pendejo más odioso del valle!
Me encantaba. Me encantaba que escandalizara a algunos de mis amigos y amigas. Me encantaba que mi madre católica dijo que podría colgarlo si no lo anunciara. Sobre todo, me encantaba que mi padre agnóstico me lo regalara, sabiendo cuánto me gustaría. Me encantaba que me conociera tan bien.
No es poca cosa haber tenido un padre así.
Día del Padre 2020
Monday, May 25, 2020
The Vast Complexity of Gray
Saturday, April 11, 2020
Resurrection
Bless the in-between time.
Cover your fears with a mantle of stars.
Hide for a while, then emerge
wobbly
dis-eased
wondering . . .
Meanwhile the resurrection dance goes on
taking us by surprise
as it always has.
Today in fields laden with maize and wheat
Guadalupe and Tonantzín sway to mysterious tones
glimmering
shattering
birthing each other in an endless sacrament of movement
keening
rejoicing
weeping
delighting
Bathed in moonlight they cry:
Remember who you are.
Remember who you are!
Tomorrow, well who knows who'll show up.
So much dying and birthing to be found
in the in-between time.
So much holy dancing to remind us
that in-between time is
the only time there is.
________________________________________
Resurreción
Bendice el tiempo de en medio
Cubre tus miedos con una manta de estrellas.
Escóndete un rato, y emerge
temblando
incómoda
preguntándose ...
Mientras tanto, la danza de la resurreción continúa
sorprendiéndonos
como siempre lo ha hecho.
Hoy en los campos llenos de maiz y trigo
Guadalupe y Tonantzín se mecen a tonos misteriosos
brillando
destrozando
dandose a luz, la una a la otra, en un sacramento eterno de movimiento
lleno de
lamento
regocijo
llanto
deleite
Bañadas en la luz de luna cantan:
Recuerda quién eres.
Recuerda quién eres!
Mañana, pues quién sabe quién va a llegar.
Tanto morir y nacer
en este tiempo de en medio.
Tanto baile santo para recordarnos
que el tiempo de en medio
es el único tiempo que hay.